0524 hydrolensing

0524 hydrolensing

My friend Noah and I have been locked in a constant conversation about art and its got me in a state of  simultaneous enlightenment and confusion, which doesn't at all feel like a contradiction. I think he's going through the same thing. It's flung me into a dilemma of identity.

As a composer/audiovisual person, I think I exist on 2 points of the same spectrum, that being between "Pure Artist" and, for lack of a better word, "Entertainer". There is a side of me that makes things that no one else will be interested in (unless you appreciate the honesty behind the making of things, which I'm not sure I even do) and the public be damned - not an act of defiance, because no one but me will hear/see those things.. defiance requires someone getting deliberately butthurt to prove a point) - and a side of me that wants to make people feel something and not be the only one who assigns value to what I make.

I think a lot of people exist on a point, but I feel the pull between the two points, and some of the work I do is further to one side or the other.

It seems to me that if you want to be marketable, one needs to pick ONE point on that spectrum and be consistent. I'm not and I don't. (I'm fame curious, but I've always been attention averse. I think my last birthday party was about 16 years ago.

I'm not sure I need or want to abandon either one. The down side is.. I think it confuses people to the point of they are reluctant to even call me a composer unless I do something like a film score and when I do, it kind of puts me in a state of grace to a lot of people. Add to that the current state of the relationship between art and the public, short interest spans. Seriously, when's the last time you went to an album release party? No one is interested in something long enough to celebrate it. We're so saturated with CONTENT that it's deflated the perceived value of EVERYTHING we experience. Oh cool, [scroll] oh neat, [scroll] bo-ring.. [scroll] oh cute, [scroll] yawn.. [scroll] oh wow, [scrollscroll]. That's most people.

It's annoying, but my default response to it is apathy and I quietly get back to work and forget about the whole thing. 

If you're reading this, I'm probably not talking about you. You rock.